Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

Time	Event
12:35p	An angel folds her wings, admitting defeat under her breath. She gives up gives out and gives herself to the demons drooling for dinner. Devastated at the state of the world, she inhales deeply to find the air crisp and sharp and stabbing her from the inside out. Like a slap in the face, my cunt has relinquished its comatose state of being. ** Scissors cutting through the manipulation of my gender, I have recreated a dichotomy within myself. She is a little boy, lost and confused, brutal and bare, fighting battles with unknowing demons. *** I remember being excited when i could get one SENTENCE out of my sleep-dream-not-quite-awake state of not-quite-being... so why do i put so much pressure on myself to write beyond a paragraph? My painting has become more and i have started to be able to draw with intention. I have drawn a beautiful cello-lady, whom i may very well tattoo on myself. Perhaps she is the amalgamation of my wanting to learn how to play the bass and my woman-self emerging childless. ( cello woman ) Current Mood: disoriented Current Music: "willing to fight" - ani difranco (5 Comments | Comment on this)
3:42p	i have difficulty seeing anything through. i am so torn and lost and confused about what should i be doing now that i lose sight of what i AM doing now. My patience wanes and all i can do is wait though waiting not appropriate or necessary i am left with fight or flight sink or swim do or die and i stay running in this same spot i have run since forever and i lose my place bookmark good and burnt i can smell the soot burning underfoot reaching my every oraface and tainting my olfactories i have lost my senses because i have blinded my only Self. Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: tool (Comment on this)
7:22p	for Natasha Current Mood: silly (2 Comments | Comment on this)
7:23p	lj is currently screwed for me i have no idea why, but the last few times (in the past 3/4 days) my pictures have been the wrong size no matter WHAT i do... i don't know if it's a photobucket problem or an lj problem.. but i'm seriously frustrated!!!  araaarrgggh. anyone have any idea what i may be doing wrong??   example:  the "orange whore" picture was scanned at 800x600 but sure isn't that big. Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
10:45p	The only voice I've ever had that was ever even slightly clear was the one God built that I couldn't hear. Twas a voice so kin  and wa salt with sin and I couldn't hear  what I was living in. I've only ever been cognitive of the voices screaming profanities at me. I never knew if it was Me or Mine or His intwined. I split apart once before. Laying, face-down on a waterbed in a house full of ghosts, I had a conversation with a man clearly speaking through my mouth. He spoke of destruction and laughed with his throat. I couldn't argue with him because I wasn't SURE he was wrong.  I had nothing opposite of him to say. I had only my own thoughts, insecure and unsecured within myself. Hidden from the world and my certain school of thot. Gender-meshed and bench-pressed, I underestimated the strength of my Evil. Mutiny has become the New Devil's advocate. (Comment on this)

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