Shanti's Journal

journey of a liftetime
This is it, Dear.
This is your last and only dearest to your heart
this is the piece of you you've been looking for
she's out there
by the ocean
sitting on the shore

just waiting for you to come and collect her
pick her up and rock her into little pieces
and pick them all up again and rearrange them
recollect yourself and piece the pieces together into one
into the many things that you are
the many creatures and stories and glories and gore
you are the only one that can do this
and you will
and you can
and you will
and you can

selah?
she says to me
to myself
to my Self.
always on the inside
you have seen this peace i have been searching for.

I am about to embark on a journey that defies all ration
rationalle
rational thought
at least to me ohsofar
Hop in an S.U.V. with a straight man you don't know, and a half empty trailor in tow.
Drive for three days to a place you aren't familiar with, stopping in between to slumber in hotel rooms.
conversations of unkonwn calibre
excitement and fear
will all be washed away in no time no time no time
lack all the securities you know

Lack of security.
Removal of cushioning.

Make this as difficult as it can be. Not tv. No gameboy. A lamp. A matress. My books and me.
Me.
My Self.
My only self.
this is the last and only best ever chance now.

Will this work?
It can't not.
I don't think i have ever endured such an adventure.
This is bigger than life.
Bigger than i have ever been and in a couple years it will be oh so small.
This will lead into me teaching (or at least helping) in Africa.
Lead to me living in Europe.
Being my very own person finally.

I live too much for the eyes of my parents.
This is the beginning of my official defile.

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: "black mirror" - arcade fire

Advertisement