Friday, March 30th, 2007

Time	Event
9:19p	crowded buses Stuttering at the strangeness of a stranger's questions, I become unable to answer the slightest queerie. Caught off-guard in my want to be part of the background, I have been spotted unendurably pained. We clothe ourselves in countless layers to keep out the shards of light desperate to pierce the impervience. We ply ourselves with sugar and alcohol, and countless other drugs to numb our systems, yet cry out "free me from dispairity!" Like you, I am shadowed and held deep within (beneath) myself. Sand underfoot. I am unaware of so many of those around me yet cling to the need for company and attachment. In Buddhism, we learn that suffering comes from attachment and desire and only when we free ourselves of this can we be wholly pure and free of suffering. For me, there is a hole in every belief system, a piece I scrutinize and analyze and pick apart to see what purpose it has, if any. Many see this as a negative quality or habbit, I think it means i am simply unsatisfied with the way things are and strive to change. I have not yet decided if this is good or bad -- it just is for now. Perhaps I should rather strive to accept that which I view unsatisfactory. Perhaps i am wrighted where I stand. suffering Current Mood: freezing (Comment on this)
10:22p	speaking of fires and cages... I'm standing on the stage Of fear and self-doubt it’s a hollow place But they’ll clap anyways thank you. for everyone and anyone who has lost or is losing hope: A Thousand Beautiful Things - Annie Lennox.mp3 Current Mood: familiar Current Music: "my body is a cage" - arcade fire (Comment on this)
11:21p	you want nothing from me but play and touch with dry hands... ...someday you will love me back right now you're just dependant i spend hours in solitude drowning in puddles of wet water goodness the words are all gone. i swooned to myself in prose and promise and only the words fall freely with the rain i can't inside with the a.lone and the only thing i've ever known she here who speaks is only here on occassion she here who speaks is hiding under the acquiese of the morning and the starlight and the no one else is here i hide my words in unconcious nature desperate to share them desperate desperation slow down slow down cut my words in invisible symbols and attempt the reattachment to my soul cliches of embarkment they are running chase after them in. hale. ex. pour down, my lovelies truths are necessary to the unfolding i can hear you breathe into me i can hear you my chest pulsating expanding tightly holding faststrong to my words i will release(leash) you words. full of heaven and hell and all the darklightdark in between the inbetween. i must first learn to comfort the frustration and hold tight and soft the incurable likeness of being. Current Mood: breathing Current Music: rain (Comment on this)
11:52p	oh lordy, pick a bale 'o hay... "One way a moral judgment can go wrong--and sometimes shown to go wrong--is by failing to be impartial. To say that the opinion is represented as being impartial is not to say that it will be successful in actually being impartial. If you are not (even) representing that the opinion is impartial, then the opinion is not a moral opinion at all. If you are representing that the opinion is impartial, and, in fact, it is not, then the opinion is a moral one, but it's just not a good one." - Stephen Cohen from "The Nature of Moral Reasoning: The Framework and Activities of Ethical Deliberation, Argument and Decision-Making." phew. page 33 out of 143 Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: my brain exploding (Comment on this)

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